Being responsible as an adult, yet still simple as a kid.
I don't know why I've been contemplating this lately. It just keeps coming back, over and over in my head.
Biologically, I am an adult. I'm a 1997 baby. They say that at this age, the prefrontal cortex in our brain is already fully developed. It's the part of the brain that regulates logic, planning, decision-making, and consequences. And I can feel it. My brain automatically starts to think more. Much more.
I start to think about what kind of life I actually want ahead of me. Not just a life that passes by, but a life that I live consciously. What kind of preparation should I make if something happens? And the question that makes me stare at the ceiling the longest at night: what kind of traces do I want to leave on this earth?
Honestly speaking, my life purpose is still similar. It hasn't changed much since I was younger. I want to have a simple and peaceful life where I feel contented. Contented. That's the word I keep coming back to. It's not about having it all. It's about having my needs as a human being fulfilled physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. If those four are fulfilled, I feel like it's enough. A little struggle is okay for me, really. Struggle is part of the package. I don't expect a smooth road without any rocks.
I mean, I want to give my best effort. But I also hold onto one principle: if God puts me through a trial in the middle of the process or along my life path, I will try to stay calm. I won't immediately panic. I'll stay calm, look for a solution, and find a way out. Because I believe that if God gives me the path, He will also give me the way out. My job is just to try. My job is just to keep walking.
And when it comes to preparation, I've also started to learn about building a safety net for myself. It's a safety net for when life doesn't meet my expectations. Because it won't always meet our expectations, right? Life has its own plans.
When I was a kid, if I fell, my parents would immediately catch me. Now, as an adult, I have to build my own net. And for me, that net is a form of responsibility. It's a form of effort, a form of ikhtiar.
And then there's the part about life traces. This is the part where I'm still confused. As a human that Allah created, what kind of trace do I want to leave here? Do I have to leave something big? Do I have to be remembered by many people? Or is it enough to just be a good person in my small circle?
I'm still searching for it while walking. I haven't found the final answer, and maybe I don't have to find it right now. Maybe the trace doesn't have to be something grand and loud. Maybe it's as simple as making people feel safe when they are around me. Maybe it's about making someone feel heard, truly heard. Maybe it's about not leaving wounds in other people's hearts. Maybe it's about being kind when no one is watching. I'm still learning, and I'm okay with being confused about this. Isn't life itself the process of searching? 😊
Yes, responsibility is what makes us become true adults. Because we finally know that for every decision we make, we will have to live with its consequences afterwards. We can't throw the responsibility away. We can't say, "It's someone else's fault." If I choose A, I will live with A and all its risks. If I choose B, I will carry B. That's where adulthood is tested. Not when everything is easy, but when we have to choose and be responsible for that choice.
Adult life with full responsibility is truly exhausting, though. Do you agree? It's all serious stuff. You have to think about the future, about "what if this happens, what if that happens." Sometimes my head feels so full, like there's no pause button. No wonder many adults look tired in their eyes, because their minds never really take a vacation.
But in that exhaustion, that's where we learn how to become the person that our God wants us to be. Responsibility educates us. It shapes us into who we are meant to be.
So that's why, as an adult, we also need our inner child to stay with us. We need that kid inside us to stay alive, to be simply happy with life. Because if it's all responsibility and no simplicity, we will break.
How?
For me, my inner child is what makes me still feel curious about little things. It still makes me wonder. It brings a smile to my face, even without a reason.
It makes me smile because I watch videos of cats with cute, big pupils. It makes me genuinely happy when I see people successfully making their dreams come true. Those are small things that, if seen through the glasses of an overly serious adult, might be considered trivial. But through the eyes of a child, all of those are little miracles that make life worth living.
Looking back, as a kid, our happiness was very simple, right? Getting one candy was enough to make us happy for the whole day. Being taken by my mother to the market made me feel like the luckiest person in the world. Playing in the rain, even though we were just getting wet, we laughed so sincerely. There was no burden of "what will happen later." Happy was just happy, in that moment.
As adults, we shouldn't lose that ability. Don't let us have everything, but lose the ability to enjoy everything. Don't let us be so busy chasing big happiness that we forget how to feel the small happiness.
So, balance both.
Be an adult when you make decisions and take action. Think it through, prepare your safety net, think about the traces and the consequences. Be mature, be responsible.
But be like a child when you enjoy every moment of life. Be curious, be easily amazed, be easily happy, forgive quickly, and love sincerely.
Responsibility makes us safe, while the simplicity of a child makes us stay happy and humane. It keeps us soft. It keeps us alive.
And maybe, that's where the peace I've been looking for actually is. 🤍
