Being born as a woman often comes with an unspoken manual. The manual says: be calm, be aesthetic, be soft-spoken, be pleasing to the eye. If you are too loud, too raw, or too curious about things outside that manual, you are quickly labeled as "too much" or "not a good woman" as if being wild is a flaw.

Why is it like that?

Recently I have been reading some articles and journals about masculine and feminine energy, and one concept really stayed with me: both men and women have both energies inside them. It is the balance of the two that makes a human whole. Not just feminine, not just masculine, but whole.

If that is the case, why does reality still demand that a woman be totally feminine like always emotional, always aesthetic, always calm. While a man be totally masculine like always logical, always strong, always hiding his emotions?

Whereas in truth, both energies should be used properly by everyone.

As reported by Living Well Counseling Services, masculine energy is about doing and being action-oriented. It is stable, predictable, and structural. Its strengths are will, clarity, and focus. It likes to create structures and rules, so it knows how to apply logic properly.

The core characteristics of masculine energy include:

  • Good rational and logical skills
  • Able to think clearly
  • Able to build ongoing effort and discipline
  • Good external strength in persona
  • Able to think creatively and solve problems
  • Fond of challenges
  • Longing for admiration and appreciation
  • Independent

Feminine energy, on the other hand, is flowing and dynamic. Its movements cannot always be predicted or explained with a rational mind. It is not constrained by strict rules because it follows guidance that comes from the heart.

People who are more dominant with feminine energy tend to have these characteristics:

  • Easily able to calm down and bring calmness
  • Good at taking care of themselves and loving themselves
  • Able to find creative inspiration
  • Able to empathize
  • Able to make judgments outside the realm of rationality
  • Prioritizing feelings and connection

One builds the house, the other makes it a home. One wants to solve the problem, the other wants to understand how people feel about the problem. We need both.

This concept is not new. In Jungian psychology, it is called anima and animus and every person has both. The goal is not to suppress one, but to integrate both.

As a woman, I always try to balance both, although sometimes I fail. It's normal, because I'm only human not a prophet, though. 🤭

I use my feminine side in my daily life. I pay attention to details when managing the house, because I find comfort in making things organized and nurturing. I learn to cook, even though sometimes the taste is not good enough. I try to take care of the things and people that I think are worthy. I use my emotions to show care and love. I feel empathy for those who are struggling or going through trials from God. That sensitivity feels safe and natural since it's an oxytocin. 🤍

At the same time, I also have a big masculine side, and I have learned to not hide it. I call myself "pecicilan 😆". It's a word in Javanese that means chaotic. It is not a bad thing for me; it is just energy. It is the energy that makes me want to explore, to learn, to take things apart and understand them.

For example, I genuinely enjoy watching videos about motorcycle modifications, gun types, nuclear reactions, electrical installations, geopolitics, history, technology and many other masculine stuff that I can't mention one by one here.

They're interesting because they're full of adrenaline. I feel alive when I am learning how the world works like how an engine runs, how electricity is distributed, how a historical event shapes our present. It gives me a sense of clarity and fulfillment.

I also notice that my masculine side shows up when I see injustice. When I see something that goes against morals like murder cases that happen to weak people who have no power and whose only intention is to live, I tend to speak very frontally. I find it hard to filter what I am feeling in those moments. My empathy feels the pain, and my logic wants to call out what is wrong.

Sometimes I look at women who are naturally calm and aesthetic. There is something healing about that calmness. And I sometimes wonder if I could be like that. But I have learned that I cannot be calm all the time. If I force myself to be aesthetic and soft 24/7, I feel like I am slowly turning off a part of myself. I would feel less alive.

Now, at this age, I have decided to keep my own self. I want to be a woman who can be detailed and nurturing at home, but also curious and assertive when exploring the world. I want to be able to empathize deeply, but also think clearly and speak up when needed. I don't see those as contradictions. I see them as a balance.

I don't think my way is better than other women's way. Some women find their wholeness and peace in calmness, softness, and aesthetics and that is beautiful and valid. I find mine in being both. I find mine in being allowed to be sometimes calm and sometimes pecicilan or chaotic. Sometimes soft, sometimes frontal. Sometimes in the kitchen, sometimes watching a documentary about reactors.

A whole human is not half. A whole woman is not just an aesthetic object. A whole man is not just a logic machine.

Both energies exist in us for a reason. When we learn to use them properly feminine to connect and feel, masculine to act and think, we become more complete, more honest, and more alive. ✨