I was just minding my own business, scrolling through Instagram, when I accidentally stumbled upon content from a married couple sharing their “how we met” story. The first slide was a screenshot of a DM. The husband, who was a teaching assistant, had messaged his wife, who was his student: “Hello, are you single? I’ve been observing you for a couple of moments, and I find you so interesting. I want to be closer to you than just friends.”
The second slide? Boom. A wedding photo. Both of them dressed in white, smiling, surrounded by flowers. The end.
And if you think I was flattered by it, you’re totally wrong. 😅
My first reaction wasn’t, “Aww, so romantic.” My first reaction was, “Hah? How can people do that? How can they open up to a stranger so easily without feeling pressured or afraid?” 😬
Look, I get it. They’re married now. It worked out. I’m happy for them. But for me, that first slide felt like watching someone jump off a cliff without checking if there was water below.
Because here’s the thing about me: I’m hyper-aware of everything, especially when it comes to letting people in. As an introverted person, solitude isn’t a punishment. It’s a blessing. It’s where I feel safe.
So when I see people just… DM a stranger, confess their feelings, and invite someone into their life before they even know what kind of person that person is when they’re tired, angry, disappointed, or when no one is watching, my brain short-circuits. 🤯
Because once you open up about yourself to someone, they know you. They know your weaknesses, your habits, your fears at 2 a.m., your strengths, and your mess.
And that’s terrifying to me. It feels like giving someone the manual book to you.
For me, love between two people doesn’t start with one person already having feelings first. The ideal version of love in my head looks like this: two strangers who interact normally, as friends, classmates, coworkers, or simply people who happen to be in the same room, in the same community etc.
No pressure. No “I like you.” No expectations. Just flow.
And in that space, you get to see someone’s real character not the “I’m trying to impress you” version. You see how they treat the waiter, how they handle stress, what makes them laugh, what they believe in, and what they dream about.
You learn each other’s principles, dreams, bad sides, and good sides, all without the pressure of “please like me back.” And slowly, naturally, love grows.
It grows out of knowing. Out of safety. Out of familiarity. Out of both of you becoming your best versions not because you’re performing for each other, but because you’re comfortable enough to be yourselves when you're with them.
If someone likes you from the beginning, they will probably show you mostly their good side. That’s human. We all do it. But if you start as friends, you get to see more of the real person.
And if love still grows after that, then I believe there’s something incredibly beautiful and real about it.
Maybe it’s because I see too much of the negative side of relationships. I see so many marriages that end in divorce, and my brain, being the over-analyzer that it is, always wonders: Did it start with an “instant” like that first DM? Did they say yes because it felt exciting, rather than because they really knew each other?
I know correlation isn’t causation. I know plenty of people who met like that and are still together 30 years later. But my nervous system doesn’t care about statistics.
My nervous system cares about safety.
So when I see content like that couple’s story, I don’t feel envy. I feel confusion.
How can you feel safe that quickly? How can you let a stranger in that fast?
Here’s what I’ve realized: maybe the definition of love is simply different for different people.
There are the Lions. They’re bold. They see someone, feel a spark, and go for it. DM. Date. Decide. For them, safety is built after they jump in. They test the water by jumping. If it doesn’t work, they move on, and maybe it doesn’t drain them as much.
And then there are the Tigers.
That’s me.
We hide in the bushes. We observe. We don’t roar.
We need to feel safe in the environment first. We need to trust the ground we’re walking on. We don’t fall in love. We grow into it slowly, quietly, deeply.
And once we do, we can become some of the most loyal creatures you’ll ever meet. But getting there takes a very long time.
Neither is wrong. They’re just different operating systems.
The Lions say, “Life is short. Try it and see.”
The Tigers say, “Life is long. Let’s make sure it’s right.”
The problem is, we live in a Lion world right now.
“Slide into DMs.”
“Cold approach.”
“Confess in week one.”
“Don’t waste time. If you like them, tell them.”
And if you’re a Tiger in that world, you can start to feel broken.
Because when someone already likes me before I even know them, it feels like pressure. Like homework. Like there’s an expectation I have to fulfill.
I can’t see the real them because they’re too busy showing me the best version of themselves. I can’t relax because I know there’s already an expectation attached to the interaction.
I used to think there was something wrong with me. That I was too picky, too closed off, too cautious, too much of an “analysis paralysis” person. 😬
But maybe I’m not broken.
Maybe I’m just a Tiger.
I need the process. I need the natural unfolding. I need to laugh with you first before I can cry with you. I need to see you on a bad day before I decide I want all your days.
And maybe you’re a Tiger too.
Maybe you also watch those “how we met” videos and think, “How??” Maybe you also believe love should feel like coming home, not like a job interview.
If that’s you, I want you to know: you’re not alone. 😊
And maybe the person who is meant for you won’t find you through a cold DM. Maybe they’ll find you in a shared classroom, in the same community, or through the same hobby.
Maybe they’ll become your friend first. And one day, both of you will look back and realize, “Oh. We were already in love. We just didn’t have a name for it yet.”
There is no single right way to fall in love.
Some people meet, click, and marry. That’s beautiful. However, some people also meet, become friends, grow together, and then marry. That’s beautiful too.
The world needs both Lions and Tigers. It needs the people who jump and the people who wait.
So if you’re a Tiger like me, stop forcing yourself to be a Lion. Stop apologizing for needing time.
Your love isn’t late. It’s just growing with deeper roots.
And when it finally blooms, maybe it won’t be fragile. Maybe it will be the kind that lasts. The kind that’s built, not just felt.
So tell me… which one are you? The one who needs the long process, or the one who’s okay with instant connection?
Either way, you’re valid.
But me? I’ll be here in the bushes, waiting for something real to grow. 🤍
