Hello world!

In this holy month, a month often associated with reflection, repentance, and returning to what truly matters, I would like to talk about one simple word that carries a depth far beyond its letters: confession. It is only nine letters long, yet it feels as heavy as a stone when it sits in the heart unspoken.

In my humble opinion, confession is a way to be honest with yourself about your bright side and your dark one in the right way. Not in a way that makes you arrogant about your strengths, and not in a way that humiliates yourself for your weaknesses. It is balance. It is clarity. It is standing in front of the mirror of your own soul and saying, “This is me. Not the polished version. Not the edited version. But the real one.”

Confession requires courage. A lot of courage.

Why? Because confession is the only space where you remove the mask that protects your image. We all have personas. We polish our words, filter our thoughts, soften our flaws, and sometimes exaggerate our virtues. We want to be seen as good daughters, good sons, good believers, good students, good workers. We want to be respectable. We want to be accepted. So we learn how to present ourselves in ways that will not disappoint others.

But confession? Confession strips all that away.

It takes the polished version of yourself and replaces it with the raw version. The one with doubts. The one with secret desires. The one with questions. The one with shadows.

You can confess to God.

You can confess to yourself.

You can confess to your beloved ones.

Each type of confession carries a different weight, but all of them lead you to the same destination: truth.

When you confess to God, you stand before the One who already knows everything about you: our hidden fears, your secret wishes, your silent tears. Yet, there is something powerful about saying it out loud in prayer. It is not about informing Him; it is about freeing yourself.

When you confess to yourself, you stop running. You stop pretending. You stop negotiating with your own heart.

And when you confess to someone you love, you risk vulnerability. You risk being misunderstood. You risk rejection. But you also risk being accepted fully, honestly, beautifully.

There are certain feelings that come after confession. Feelings that are hard to explain unless you have experienced them yourself.

1. Feeling Relieved

Sometimes you hold screams inside your chest. Thoughts that you believe will hurt too much if you let them out. Feelings that you are afraid will destroy your image. So you keep them. You suppress them. You smile outside while your heart is screaming inside.

But then one day, you confess.

You pour everything into words. Maybe you cry. Maybe your voice trembles. Maybe your hands shake. But you say it. You finally say it.

And honestly? You feel relieved.

It feels like opening the valve of a pressure cooker that has been holding steam for too long. If the steam is never released, what happens? It explodes. 😅

Confession is that release. It prevents emotional explosions. It transforms silent chaos into articulated truth. Once you speak it, the feeling no longer controls you. You have named it. You have faced it. And somehow, it becomes lighter.

2. Feeling Free

Before confessing, you may feel pressured to always appear positive as if being human means being flawless. As if your character must be smooth and perfect, like a race track with no cracks. 😅

But humans are not built like that.

According to Carl Jung, every person has what he called “the shadow” as the dark side of the personality. The parts of us we hide, reject, or deny. It is not necessarily evil. It is simply the unacknowledged part of ourselves.

When you become aware of your shadow, you have two choices: suppress it or embrace it. If you suppress it too much, it may come out in unhealthy ways. But if you recognize it, understand it, and transform it, it can become strength.

In real life, I don’t want to embarrass my family hehe. Since elementary school, I was taught to chase rankings. I learned manners or unggah-ungguh in Javanese culture. I was shaped to be obedient, to help at home, to be independent by working, to constantly stimulate my brain, to be productive.

All of that built a responsible version of me.

But inside? There is another side.

I like tattoos. I once really wanted a small semicolon symbol tattooed on my hand but I would probably be disowned. 😂 So yeah I just adore it no more. 😐

I also have a slightly tomboy side. I sometimes want to cut my hair short like a boy’s style, wear a cap everywhere, be simple. Yet as a Muslim woman, there are expectations wearing hijab, covering aurat, maintaining a certain image. :)

There is tension between who I am and what is expected.

I get bored easily with things that are too soft and cute. I crave challenge. Maybe because my real life is already structured and disciplined, I look for adrenaline in other ways, sometimes through disturbing or extreme content about accidents, tragedies, and dark realities.

It doesn’t mean I lack empathy. On the contrary, I think deeply about the victims. I wonder what they dreamed about the night before. Did they ever imagine their end would be that tragic? It makes me reflect on how short life is. It pushes me to value time, to appreciate people before they are gone.

That... some of my shadows. :)

And I accept it.

I embrace it so it does not explode in unhealthy ways in real life. In reality, I will still be a devoted daughter. I will still try to do my best. I will not act recklessly. But in my mind, I allow myself to explore, to question, to feel intensely.

After confessing these things even just writing them here, I feel free. ☺️

Free to be multidimensional. Sometimes silly. Sometimes serious. Sometimes wild in thought. Sometimes calm. A human being is not one color. We are a mixture. Sweet, sour, salty, bitter. All in one.

Confession allows you to accept your complexity without shame.

3. Feeling Strong 

Here is the paradox: when you confess, you expose your most fragile side. You admit confusion, fear, desire, contradiction. You show that you are not perfect.

But strangely, after that, you become stronger.

Why?

Because you are no longer fighting yourself.

Before confession, there is inner conflict. Doubt. Denial. “Should I feel this?” “Is this wrong?” “Why am I like this?” The heart becomes a battlefield.

After confession, there is clarity.

You have acknowledged the truth. You have faced it. You have stopped pretending. And that honesty creates inner stability. You know where you stand with yourself.

Strength is not about hiding weakness. Strength is about integrating it.

Confession is not about forcing outcomes either. After you confess to God, to yourself, or to someone you cannot control how others respond. You cannot guarantee acceptance. You cannot guarantee that everything will go according to your desire.

But that is not the point.

The point is that you were honest.

You released what needed to be released. You honored your truth. You stood with integrity.

And sometimes, that is enough.

In this holy month, confession becomes even more meaningful. It is a time when we are encouraged to cleanse not only our actions but also our hearts. To admit where we have failed. To recognize where we have been ungrateful. To forgive ourselves. To seek forgiveness from others.

Confession is not weakness.

Confession is not rebellion.

Confession is not self-destruction.

Confession is alignment between who you are inside and who you show outside.

So, after all of this, let me ask you gently:

What have you been holding inside?

What truth are you afraid to admit to God, to yourself, or to someone you love?

What shadow have you been suppressing?

Maybe today is the day to let a little steam out.

Maybe today is the day to sit quietly and say, “This is me.”

And maybe, just maybe, after you confess…

you will feel relieved, free, and stronger than ever before.

So tell me, have you confessed today? 😅